Bakker Bugle Blog

The big news from Luxembourg this week is the rash of black panther sightings.

First, from the initial reports by Ara City Radio:

The whole country has gone Panther crazy following a sighting of one of the big cats in Bascharage on Sunday. There have been further reports of the beast from all over the south-west of the country, with even some claiming to have encountered it in Merl and Belair in the capital. Amnéville zoo denied reports in the Luxembourg media that the panther was one of theirs. The zoo’s director said they only have 3 panthers and they’re all still in their cage.

This morning, Ara City Radio distributed the latest information regarding this feline menace:

The ministry of the interior says it is still getting reports of a panther on the loose. The latest sightings have been in the area between Bertrange and Mamer. The ministry is taking the reports seriously despite no definitive evidence of the panther, such as tracks or droppings, coming to light. They are warning people hiking in the woods to be on their guard.

Sarah Fischbach, Lead Researcher of the Bugle Institute of Panther, Housecat and Catamount Studies, believes that the absence of tracks and droppings indicates a more serious threat to Luxembourgers than an ordinary hungry panther.

“The lack of tracks and droppings indicates that the panther may not be a member of the living community,” Fischbach said in an interview this morning. “Due to the urgent potential of danger, the BIPHC will release an early draft of its visual guide to panther threats. This guide will be revised over the coming days, so if any members of the public or public safety authorities have questions, they are encouraged to call the BIPHC directly.”

This is an ordinary black panther. As they weigh between 40 and 90 kg, an ordinary black panther would almost certainly have left tracks and droppings in the area.

The following image portrays a Zombie Panther. Although it weighs only slightly less than ordinary panthers, a zombie panther would leave tracks. The tracks would appear different than ordinary panther tracks, due to its random, shuffling gait. The authorities may not have properly identified zombie panther tracks. Most ominously, a zombie panther leaves no droppings, as reported of the unknown panther in Luxembourg-Ville.

A Vampire Panther appears here. Vampire panthers of sufficient age can move without leaving tracks, indeed without touching the ground at all. Also, vampire panthers do not leave droppings. Although vampire panthers are rare in Western Europe, the available evidence makes this the most likely type of panther on the loose. The myth that vampire panthers cannot travel during the day is simply false, as Fischbach recently proved in her article co-authored with Dr. Banner Molina for The Proceedings of Cat Fancy (2004).

This is a Were-Panther, photographed in its two manifestations. It resembles an ordinary panther at night, but a human during the day. Thankfully for Luxembourg, were-panthers do leave droppings and tracks. Nevertheless, there have been many reports of their migration to major cities, such as London, over the past few centuries.

This photo is of a Carolina Panther. There have been no reports of this type in the Benelux region.

This is an American Black Panther. These strong and graceful members of the living world were nearly exterminated in the late-20th-century, and are not known to threaten human communities except when provoked. The BIPHC considers it highly unlikely that Luxembourg-Ville is home to any American Black Panthers.

These are Steel Panthers. These dangerous elements are to be avoided at all costs. Fortunately, Steel Panthers are always accompanied by loud noises and are mostly found in one-star hotel rooms. Due to Luxembourg-Ville’s lack of inexpensive lodging, Steel Panthers are unlikely to remain in the environs for long, if at all.

The BIPHC plans to release a complementary guide with specific information regarding the proper response to an encounter with each type of panther. In general, members of the public who encounter any type of panther should leave the vicinity without attracting attention, and immediately call emergency services.

Happy Halloween! …and thanks to the following Flickr contributors, whose generosity made this post possible: climbnh2003, tim ellis, cliff2066, tim ellis again, csztova, tojosan, tim ellis a third time, wacko, Tawny Rockerazzi and bindermichi. Thanks also U.S. News & World Report for its donation of the American Black Panther photo to the Library of Congress.