Readers’ affection for the next confection

The BB Procurement Department has license to obtain unique or representative confections during the course of ordinary operations. Those purchases are given asset tags, categorized according to several key taxonomies, and then placed in environmentally-controlled storage. At some point, this inventory of neat stuff is meant to be used for future blog posts.

The move to Luxembourg created an opportunity for a review of our sugar-related resources and associated goods. In short, we have some candy and other food left over from Ireland, and we need your help.

The staff are positive that they can complete one food review before the inventory reaches its “best-before” date. They’d like you, the Bugle readers, to choose which confection (or otherwise) will be reviewed. Here are the five candidates for the next review:

1. Battle of the Turkish Delights

This review would be a comparison of the commoner’s brand, Cadbury, with the (relatively) exotic Sultans brand. It’s the British corporation against the representative of the Ottoman Empire. Think of it as a reappraisal of the Crimean War, in gooey, sugary form.

2. Yorkie

It’s NOT for girls. We’ll find out why.

3. Bovril: ground chuck in a jar?

The sole non-confection on the list, Bovril is a legendary element in the diet for the British Isles. It is labeled, “The Original Beef Extract,” yet it is meant to be served as a beverage. Will feels a little nauseous just looking at the jar, and Anita requires that any tests be performed while she is in a different country. But according to the back of the jar, “In 1888… over 3000 pubs and bars were serving hot cups of Bovril.” That’s a bit too Dickensian for us, but if you insist, we shall persevere.

4. The Great Chocolate Rod Showdown

Drifter, an offering from Nestlé, is a package containing two candy bars. Each of these bars is, in its own words, a “Crispy wafer dipped in chewy caramel & covered in chocolate.” Twix, from the good people at Mars, is the same thing. Two brands enter the Bugle ring — only one leaves.

5. Little Pink Marshmallows for you and me

These apparently fluffy enigmas pose so many questions for us to answer. First, their name: “Chamallows” — is it a tribute to the purveyor of Southern rap? How can pink candies be created without artificial colours or flavours? Why, pray tell, did Haribo need to change the recipe? Finally, the question that haunts so many candies in this world: what the devil is that mascot supposed to be, and is it a marshmallow-cannibal?

The Poll

These are the questions before you, our dear readers. Vote for your choice right now, as the poll will close at 0800 UTC on Saturday, 4 July 2009. As always, electioneering in the comments is encouraged.

Which shall we review for you?

View Results

7 Comments to “Readers’ affection for the next confection”

  1. Katherine said...
    30 June 2009

    Step away from the Bovril. It’s just not worth it. I am many many miles away and getting ill just looking at it. By the way, Joe and I are still enjoying the delight of our pink piggies. But two in a row make my teeth hurt. Is that bad?

  2. Dave said...
    30 June 2009

    Single Transferrable Voting:

    1) Bovril – this look disgusting. I have to know what will happen if Will drinks it.
    2) Yorkie – Why is it not for girls? Does it cause a rare, but specific, birth defect?
    3) Chamallows – All very good questions, Will.
    4) Choclate Rod Showdown – Since we have Twix in the states, I’m not that drawn to a review of it.
    5) Turkish Delight – Been there, done that. Keep it fresh!

  3. Jaime said...
    30 June 2009

    Re: Bovril – I so totally agree with Dave. It looks completely disgusting and I am beyond curious what will happen to the fair BB staff as they bravely review this product.

    Plus, the ‘BEEF’ stamp instantly made me think of the timeless Texas Beef Council commercial, “Beef, It’s What’s For Dinner,” with “Hoedown” playing joyfully in the background. I believe, if done well, that the Bovril review could reach similar legendary status.

    If the Bovril is just too disgusting to garner a fair and unbiased review, my runner up is Yorkie. The feminist in me wants an answer as to why my gender is banned from this product.

  4. Unter Hund said...
    5 July 2009

    By Christ! Bovril is British too. Dash it on the ground immediately.

  5. Smugster said...
    6 July 2009

    Bovril: I’m so fantastically aware of the dangers of “road testing” this product, that while I have a jar lurking darkly in the cupboard, I feel I must demure, as, I feel certain, the BB staff will finaly resolve to do also.

    The yellow lid instantly brought to mind those industrial warning diagrams for explosives, radio-active material, or even poison, while in thedistant background a rusty freight train lazily clanked through town.

    Oh no! Can’t go on…well what’s up with a Galaxy then. I’m fairly sure men are banned from those, or so my inner chauvenist tells me.

  6. boogysplit said...
    7 July 2009

    Bovril??? Doesnt look very good. But I kinda have an interest what it would to to Wills insides. And the Yorkie bar….That would be pulled from the shelves here in the states before you would even see em. Just because of the quote on the package. Lets see what the deal is with that.

  7. Laurie said...
    13 July 2009

    The Bovril doesn’t appear to be the type of product that has an expiration date. I declare it unfit for competition. That is not to say that I am not curious to read of a taste test. Maybe it is like that that ‘Friendship Bread’ that was passed around when we were kids – that jar is probably the spores of the 1888 version served in 3000 pubs across the country…