The BBB&B No-Rain Pledge™

Since its founding, the Bakker Bugle Bed & Breakfast has provided a special experience for visitors to Ireland. This spring, the BBB&B started making that experience even more special, through the BBB&B No-Rain Pledge™. (See below for more details.)

We are proud to announce the preliminary results of our innovative Irish Precipitation Undermining Programme. The I.P.U.P. began as a collaboration between Bugle Inc, Raytheon, LexCorp, and other parties not subject to disclosure for reasons of various nations’ security. After BBB&B personnel noted an unusually dense grouping of guest bookings in the months of May and early June, the I.P.U.P. Group initiated the final testing phase of the Programme.

A device, on loan from the good folks at Alaska’s HAARP, was deployed on a remote island west of Ireland. Through a mechanism that remains strictly Classified to date, the device ensured relatively sunny and warm weather for visitors to the BBB&B in May and early June.

One set of guests requested a lengthy trip to Switzerland, which presented the I.P.U.P. with an opportunity to test its range. The Swiss Alps created an extraordinary technical challenge, but we are pleased to report that glorious conditions were attained during that trip.

Although the I.P.U.P. was a success for its primary targets, the guests of the BBB&B, there were collateral effects. The I.P.U.P. cannot change the fundamental climate of Ireland. Thus, the exceptional meteorological states of those halcyon weeks must be offset with dreary weather at a later date.

Irish Independent, 8 July 2008 — The Irish summer, which has been conspicuous by its absence in recent weeks, may be dead in the water. Most of the country will again be hit with heavy showers for the rest of this week and longer-term forecasts indicate that unsettled Atlantic weather systems will move in regularly during July and August. There was more rain in some parts of the country — including Dublin and Cork — in the first six days of this month than would normally be expected in the whole of July.

The BBB&B and the I.P.U.P. affiliates consider this to be nothing more than a return to the usual Irish climate. As Mr Myers of the Independent observes, these meteorological tendencies are the source of the distinctive features Irish culture:

Words can tell you a lot. In England, hay is made: Ireland, it is saved. The word “hay” shares its roots with the word “hew”, which means “cut”. And the summer routine in the land from which we take our language is to harvest the long grass by blade, at which point, it instantly becomes hay.

But in Ireland, with a climate as unrelated to the greengage summers of Mercia and Wessex as they themselves are to that of Provence, cultivating grass is an altogether problematical affair. To take it as we really want it, as hay, means we must rescue it in the dry breaks between the usual sieges of rain. If not saved dry, it must be harvested wet, and allowed to ferment in the modern equivalent of the ancient Greek siros, literally “hole in the ground”, from which we ultimately take our modern word “silage”.

…This is to be an almost hayless season, a silage summer yet again, as the fond hopes of spring have again been dashed by the inescapable truths of our meridian. Our fields are marshlands, and the grasses grow rank and brown where, still uncut, they lie in swathes, flattened by wind and waterfall.

In a way, hay is the crop which symbolises so many of the differences between Ireland and England…

Incidentally, the BBB&B welcomes the recent finding of Ireland’s High Court, that the I.P.U.P. Group is not liable for any meteorological phenomenon in Ireland or any other EU member-country. (See you at Lillies this weekend, Mr Justice.)

The economic situation in Ireland may lead to the withdrawal of funding from the Irish Council for Science Technology and Innovation (ICSTI). This was foreseen, and Friely Enterprises will partner with the remaining affiliates to develop the I.P.U.P.-Friely device further.

To get to the point: Book now, and you’ll get great weather free! (See legal restrictions below.)

The BBB&B No-Rain Pledge™ (hereafter “Pledge”) is neither a binding warranty nor a contractual commitment. The term “No-Rain” shall mean that guests will not directly experience precipitation in such quantities that make Bed-and-Breakfast-related activities (1) deadly, or (2) involving pain accompanying deadly physical injury, such as organ failure. BBB&B staff may at any time change the agenda to avoid death or severe pain, and such changes shall not constitute a violation of the Pledge. This Pledge shall be void if it conflicts with any action taken to meet the requirements of any law, private guarantee or implicit contract. This Pledge may be invalid the jurisdictions of all G8 countries.
BBB&B does not warrant that the Pledge will meet your requirements, or that your stay at the BBB&B will include uninterrupted sun, or that the weather will even be pleasant. Regardless of whether any Pledge or Warranty given by BBB&B fails of its essential purpose, in no event will BBB&B, or its affiliated entities, or its suppliers, or its neighbours, be liable to you for any special, consequential, indirect or similar damages, including any loss of vacation time, arising from the Pledge, even if BBB&B has been advised of the possibility of such damages. In no case whatsoever shall BBB&B’s liability exceed three US dollars or one Euro, whichever is lesser.
THERE IS NO WARRANTY FOR ANY BBB&B PRODUCT, TO THE EXTENT PERMITTED BY APPLICABLE LAW. EXCEPT WHEN OTHERWISE STATED IN WRITING BBB&B AND/OR OTHER PARTIES PROVIDE PRODUCTS AND SERVICES “AS IS” WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY AND FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. THE ENTIRE RISK AS TO THE QUALITY AND PERFORMANCE OF ALL PRODUCTS AND SERVICES IS WITH YOU. SHOULD BBB&B PRODUCTS OR SERVICES PROVE DEFECTIVE, YOU ASSUME THE COST OF ALL NECESSARY SERVICING, REPAIR OR CORRECTION.

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