{"id":825,"date":"2009-07-06T18:47:43","date_gmt":"2009-07-06T18:47:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bakkerbugle.com\/blog\/?p=825"},"modified":"2009-07-06T19:18:32","modified_gmt":"2009-07-06T19:18:32","slug":"kissy-puppy-happy-games","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/bakkerbugle.com\/blog\/2009\/07\/06\/kissy-puppy-happy-games\/","title":{"rendered":"Kissy Puppy, Happy Games"},"content":{"rendered":"

Monday’s dinnertime can be a bit tedious. It’s been only ten hours since the weekend of shared experiences, so there isn’t much news to report. The whole work-week stretches out ahead, keeping one’s mind on business rather than one’s spouse. This Monday was blessed with the label on a discarded bottle of Coke.<\/p>\n

\"Happy<\/a><\/p>\n

Anita and I sent a significant portion of our “together time” eating dinner and marveling at the Kissy Puppy. When we retreated to each of our designated corners of the apartment, I decided to follow up. <\/p>\n

Note from the Staff: We recommend clicking on the images in this post, in order to fully appreciate the genius of American soda-pop advertising in the European market.<\/em><\/p>\n

I followed the link advertised on the label, to find a record-setting website. The \"www.coca-cola.lu\"<\/code> website easily set the record for “404 Message<\/a> that Wasted the Largest Quantity of Will’s Time” by leading me to watch an anthropomorphised webpage dance around and then say, “I ran away for the summer” (as I loosely translate it). Furthermore, the webpage\/human hybrid’s blog, which he\/it so heartily recommends? It’s not worth the electricity required to render it on one’s screen. <\/p>\n

But I was relieved to find something else to pass the time, when I noticed the website’s address: http:\/\/www.coca-cola.lu\/threeway.php<\/code><\/p>\n

I was intrigued, curious even, and I decided to try the tabs on the upper-right corner of the website to learn more about the constituents of this “threeway.php”. If you’d like to be whip-sawed, mentally, by the astoundingly cynical relativism of contemporary advertising, you should try it too!<\/p>\n

First, get a dose of mega-corporation-approved feminism by clicking on the “Coke light” tab and then watching the commercial that features kicky and beautiful young women misbehaving, in a fashion that was probably described in a meeting as “fun like Drew Barrymore but as bankable as Jennifer Garner.”<\/p>\n

If all those strong women make you uncomfortable, you can return to standard-issue 21st-Century male chauvinism by clicking on the “Coke Zero” tab. You’ll be greeted by a solicitous female body with her inconveniently-needy head and face covered for your pleasure. Gentlemen, say hello to the burqa<\/a>, Coca-Cola style!<\/p>\n

If you attempt to find a viable ideological alternative by clicking on the “Menu” tab to the left, you’re likely to find a broken link. \"Kissy<\/a>I was disappointed that there was no follow-through to the comely bikini’d lady offering “Coke Mania”, which I still envision as a scene from Scarface<\/a>. I never did find the promised “Happy Games” from the original label, nor the “Happiness Factory” (which I found improbable from the start).<\/p>\n

Needless to say, this vitriol is unfair. I’m really just angry that I can’t learn more about the Kissy Puppy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Monday’s dinnertime can be a bit tedious. It’s been only ten hours since the weekend of shared experiences, so there isn’t much news to report. The whole work-week stretches out ahead, keeping one’s mind on business rather than one’s spouse. This Monday was blessed with the label on a discarded bottle of Coke. Anita and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[15,620],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/bakkerbugle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/825"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/bakkerbugle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/bakkerbugle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/bakkerbugle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/bakkerbugle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=825"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"http:\/\/bakkerbugle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/825\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":834,"href":"http:\/\/bakkerbugle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/825\/revisions\/834"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/bakkerbugle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=825"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/bakkerbugle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=825"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/bakkerbugle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=825"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}